You will so fucking die!

Today, i went for training with Alvin... While i was there, i saw a lot of new faces... people who seem very very good in Muay Thai.

So did the usual warm-up and kick pads... than after that had a little "sparring" using legs only...
Initally i just wanted to play with aaron (my buddy)

Got some guy by the name of eugene. (not my buddy)
He asked me how long i've learnt Muay Thai... blah blah blah

Cut long story short, he just wanted to "play" with me instead... so i thought it was just light sparring using legs... so while moving around i asked him which leg he uses... how long has he been learning Muay Thai...
Next thing i knew, that asshole gave me a fucking full powered kick to my stomach... i got damn shocked as i thought i was supposed to be light sparring...
Best part is that he knew that i got an injury with my right shoulder and he kept kicking my right side...

I swear man... i'm so gonna fucking kill him on saturday... It was suppose to be play play only... and he just full power across...
Come saturday, the play play is over... I don't give a fuck if i bust up my right shoulder again... i will fucking punch, knee, elbow him...

I'm coming for you eugene (Ngee Ann Poly - Accountacy Year 1)

The talk is over... I'm gonna have a piece of you!

WATCH OUT MOTHER FUCKER!

To leave without a word

Early this morning, i recieved a called... and i was told that a grand aunty of mine had passed away.
I was not affected by it to be very truthful. But the people around me were a different case...

The aunty was 59 years old... apparently she passed away at home in her sleep.
She was single and living alone.

A wake was held at the Singapore Casket... i never saw my grand-parents cry before... my grandmother was in tears when she saw the body of my aunty.
My grandfather, a man harden by war and bloodshed... a man who has stared at death many times was also in tears... when they started to cry, my heart soften and i felt that i wish i could share the pain with them...

My mother was very very affected by the whole 'thing'.

My mother is super and i really mean super scared of dying alone at home... I believe because... my father is always away at work in Batam and my sister is away in Australia studying... as for me, i'm eager to go to overseas and enjoy...
She is afraid that no one will know that she is dead... and my mother cried to be saying that she doesn't want to die alone... with no one around...

I hope if my mother were to pass-away, i hope she would go in her sleep with no pain or sufferings...

Attending the wake today, it just brought back memories of my late-friend...
When my buddies and i attended his wake, it really gave us opportunities to catch up with other classmates that we have not seen in ages...
While thinking of my friend's wake, it also brought back the pain of losing a friend...

My buddy aaron said that... the little red-paper that you get during a wake... with the 10 cent coin inside... He saw our late-friend's mom wrapping it and she was crying while doing it...

And i said to aaron that... No parent should ever have to bury their child...
I pray that my parents would never have to bury me... because i know that the pain of losing a child would be the worst feeling of their lives...
If ever i have to go, i pray that i go after my parents have gone...

I hope that my grand-aunty is in a better place now... and may she rest in peace...

taste of failure

For those of you who don't know, i took 6 years to complete my secondary school...
I retained the 1st year in secondary school and i was in the NA stream... All my life i have failed...

when i made it into the poly, i swore to myself that i will not fail anymore... with 6 years of experienced failing, i would already have learnt the lesson...

Apparently not... I took my ABN paper today.

The paper was 2-hour long. I walked out of the exam hall 45 mins earlier... not done 55 marks worth of questions... the other 45 marks, i just wrote what ever i can remember... which means that i have already failed my module and i would be retaking it again next semester...

Don't bother telling that trust in God or that bullshit... or tell me that miracles happen... they don't!

People just choose to believe in miracles! when its just luck...

I have experienced failure once more in my life... DAMN FUCK!

where are YOU when it hurts the most

I don't think i have mention this before on my blog... but i lost a friend of mine on the 11 march 2005...

He had some brain complications and he didn't make it out alive... He was in coma for 2 over weeks... for that 2 weeks, i became what i was once before... a good christian boy... i prayed and prayed and prayed... that my friend would wake from his coma...

There was so much to be said to him... i wanted to tell him that i'm sorry for all the times i igonored him... but the chance to tell him was over. He was not awake to hear my speak.
I begged God to wake up once more... but he didn't wake...

When my friend passed on... i kept asking myself... why didn't my friend wake... why!!!
Was it because my faith was not enough... was it because i didn't lead a good christian life... why?

He was a good man.... a man who was after the heart of God... He would speak to his father about God and God's Love...

Sometimes i wonder... why people go after God... sometimes i don't even feel God near me anymore.
For 2 weeks of my life... i really trusted God with all my heart... just a hope... a hope that he will wake...

If it is true, than my friend is in heaven... and if i could, i would want to see him to tell him all the stuff that i kept in my heart for a long time...


I will see you again Blen... see you friend...

Wise beyond my years

For those who don't know who i am, i am already 20 this year... yeap! which means i dun have the "teen" behind my age anymore... no more Nine-TEEN... its twenty... SHIT!

Damn i feel old! Everyone around is like 18-19... hardly anyone around me are 20...
The best part is that i'm behaving like a 15 year old! Having stupid tempers and still overweight!

People my age are in the army serving their term to the nation. I guess what they say its true, the army makes you from a boy to become a man. I still feel super boy-ish inside. Some would say that it is the people i hang out with. All my friends are like 19 and i am the only fart who is 20 and it SUCKS!

People in my school and CCA are mostly younger than me and thus i become like younger!
Those of you who know me, would know that i don't look any where near 20. I look like i'm 18? 17?

Some taxi uncle thought i just graduated from secondary school... so i decided to play along...
Sometimes most people would like to look young... i don't look young... i look KIDDISH!
I wonder is there are method where by a boy becomes a man? other than the army of course...

I would really like to feel older instead of feeling like a kid but by actual fact i'm 20!
When i look at my former classmates those of my age, i see them very mature and they somehow dress very well... but as for me, i'm in my slipper and polo-shirt with berms...

I feel like a super small kid can!!! Maybe i need a make over... i don't know...

We're just friends

Ever been in a position where by you're super close to a friend of the opposite gender?

Well, for me... i would say that i can communicate with women quite easily... I was told by my buddies that women (in general) get quite comfortable talking to me. They some how feel that i am like a pillar of support.
But the funny thing is that... not a single one will end up being with me...

Sometimes i wonder why? Is it just me? I'm not good looking enough? I'm too obnoxious? What is wrong with me?

I can talk to them... i can relate to their problems but at the end of the day, we're just friends...

For me, i've already overcome that part... of feeling shitty... I really wonder why.
What is with the fat people. Some how i see a lot of fat people becoming "Priest".
Women would talk to them about their problems and the "Priest" would relate to their problem giving them advices and even start to care for them... but its like a curse. Its like those "Priest" are bound by their oath of celibacy. (the condition of being unmarried A.K.A. no sex)

Or maybe fat people are jesters. (A fool or buffoon at medieval courts)
Maybe along the line, jesters were no longer needed in the mediveal times... so they become fat people in the 21st century.

Just to make other people happy... becoming the "Priest". The always ready listening ear.

Classic Story:

Boy breaks up with girl... girl is hurt... girl find "Priest".
"Priest" secretly likes girl... but doesn't say...
"Priest" is there for the girl when she needs him. "Priest" cheers her up... makes her happy.

Story ends with girl goes back with boy...

Think about it... are fat people here just to make you happy? to be your listening ear?

PS: i'm not refering to anyone at all... and i'm not upset... just thoughts that i have.