Feeling Down And Out

Its been a while since i've gotten this kinda feeling.
The feeling of emptyness... its like a hole in your heart and its bleeding from the inside.

I tried to message her again today... it went "Hello, how was your day with the kids? are they pesky?" (she is in early childhood education)

Her reply is usual... none

I really feel super shitty... i've got loads of stuff on my mind...
Just yesterday i nearly got into a fight with some ah-beng in my school... he was whistling at my classmate, she is like my "sister" and i was quite pissed at that ah-beng dude.
i stared at him and he stared back at me...
After the staring incident i went out of school for a smoke.. while walking back into school, the ah-beng was leaving school... while passing each other we stared and he made some comments that pissed me off.
I than dropped my bag and wanted to pick a fight with him...
For some funny reason we didn't fight... somehow... we just didn't have the balls to throw the first punch.
After a while... my classmate pulled me away and so did the ah-beng's friends...

Question is... why didn't i just elbow his face or at least just knee his stomach...
I learnt so much from Muay Thai and i just stood there pissed off with all my adrenaline pumping...
I don't know if i did the right thing by not fighting... or i just because the coward of it all...
Its like been in secondary school all over again. stupid staring incidents and the threat of fighting but no action at all... haha...

Come to think of it, i think i will elbow his face the next time i see him... or maybe not...